one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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