i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
