Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it was like eating out sand paper
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
