look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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