when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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