Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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