I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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