I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
