he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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