I'm going to rape someone's good day.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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