She said her name was "party"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
