All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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