erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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