when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
