I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
