i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she pinky promised me she was 18
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
