well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
