If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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