I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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