8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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