Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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