I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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