You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Damn victory sex feels great
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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