After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
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he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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