Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
