$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
