DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
