try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
