brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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