I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
