So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
