You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
