There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My day in three words: secret purse cake
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
