Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
