I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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