he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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