I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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