I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
