Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
