I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
