Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Ladies don't puke and tell
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
