oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize