winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
