How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
