4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
