bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
