Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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