i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
