You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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