dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
