This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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