i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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