so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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