We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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