4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
