It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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