Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
false alarm. still invincible.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
