wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
