When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
