Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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