I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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