her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
