just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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