Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
