she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
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If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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