Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
