I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
