ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
