I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
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