Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
that may or may not have been my penis.
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