sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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