the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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