Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
