i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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